Friday, March 2, 2012

Why I hate Zooey Deschanel - #OccupyAwkward

From Merriam-Webster

Listen up, folks. This new trend of calling geeky and cute girls "awkward" is pissing me off.

Zooey Deschanel, I mean you.

I got this photo here. They, apparently, got it from GQ.
This is not awkward. This is adorable. I love adorable. I like puppies and babies and tiny little cupcakes with zebra striped frosting and kittens with funny captions. I even like adorable girls. I'm not hating on the adorable ones.

Being quirky and odd does not make you awkward.

Liking video games does not make you awkward.

Being charmingly enthusiastic does not make you awkward.

Let me tell you about awkward.

Awkward is making a blow job joke in front of your soon-to-be-former fiancee's Catholic grandmother.

Awkward is mentioning the threesome with a chick off Craig's List you considered in front of your boyfriend's 15 year old cousin.

Awkward is stepping out of your vehicle in a skirt, with your foot landing on a magazine page, slipping, and landing on your back, with one leg still in the vehicle, the other in the air, and your skirt around your ears. While this is happening, manage to scream FUCK as loud as you can, to make sure everyone notices.

Awkward is always going for the hug, when a handshake will suffice.

Awkward is me, folks. It's not a size 2 Hollywood starlet who plays WoW and the bass and wears $200 vintage skinny jeans. Awkward is a 34 year old in Hello Kitty converse high tops she got on clearance at Target who doesn't like to help people because when they say "Thank you" she feels weird.

This is awkward.

Are you truly awkward? Then join me in #OccupyAwkward and TAKE BACK AWKWARD!

When you fuck something up, tweet about it, and use the #OccupyAwkward hashtag.

Let the cute girls have cute... awkward folks UNITE!